Just recently I found a letter in my mail box. It was adressed to „My Love“. I opened it though I knew it wasn´t sent to me. The mail man must´ve made a mistake, these things happen all the time. That´s what I heard anyway. And wasn´t there a slight chance of „My Love“ actually being me? Maybe there was a secret adorer, maybe the girl from the third floor. She always giggled when we met on the stairs and her cheeks turned red a little. She never looked me in the eyes and I never was able to see hers as she always watched her shoed as soon as she became aware of me. Looking down, giggling, cheek reddening, not saying a single word. It could´ve been her letter.
Maybe the sweet girl from the coffee shop around the corner sent it. Her name was Lucy. I knew that not because she told me but because she wore a name tag saying „Hi. I´m Lucy“. She was a sweet girl and always friendly. She gave me a smile along with every single coffee I bought from her and I kept them all in a special place for safekeep. The smiles that is, not the coffees.
Whoever it was from I decided to open it.

My Love,

I know it´s been a while since you last heard from me. There´s nothing that can excuse what I did and I still can´t explain it. Not to you. Not even to me. Not to anyone. But there´s something I have to tell you. I tried for a long time but the words haven´t been able to leave my mouth. As soon as they left my brain and entered my mouth their taste was so sweet on my tongue I had to swallow them again. I couldn´t resist...
Not anymore. There are so many beautiful things, so many fond memories floating in my mind for all those years and you didn´t know about how I have felt for you.
Wasn´t that just last week when we were sitting in that lovely coffee place in Paris? You wore your red dotted dress and you had daisies in your hair. I could´ve died that day when you smiled at me.
Remember the day after that? We drove to the countryside and had a picknick. It was the lovliest of all summer days. We sat down under a single birch, green plains all around us and birds singing your name. You blew dandelion seeds in the air and your eyes shone so full of joy I almost burnt. When the stars set we were still there, lying next to each other, holding each other, loving each other.
And the day after that day? We had a lovely dinner at my place. I cooked, we danced, we laughed. Your laughter...I can still hear it in my mind. It was so full of life, full of joy. It was loud and energetic, like you. It was soft and gentle, like the universe.
That night when you were sleeping next to me, I can still hear you breathe, I left you.
I was so happy, so overjoyed with life having the most wonderful and adorable person in the world lying next to me that I almost couldn´t breathe anymore. You were the best that ever could´ve happened to me, you made my life worth living. Everything was perfect, I was happy, you were happy, we just made sense. Everything was going so well, no flaws, no bad habits, not a single cloud in the sky.
I just had to go. I had to walk away from my perfect, happy little life. I had to walk away from you. I had tried to call you, to write you. But as soon as I had dialed your number I got numb. As soon as I took pen and paper my brain got numb.
I can´t imagine what I did to you, I can´t say excuses, I wouln´t know where to start from. All those years...

I read your obituary in the newspaper yesterday. You died of natural causes in your sleep. It said you were 81 years old. Your family was with you when you passed. Your funeral will be tomorrow. I really want to come but I don´t want to hurt you anymore. I caused you so much pain in your life, I don´t want to hurt you now that you´re gone.

I love you.
I´m sorry.

I checked the envelope after reading the letter. It said „Return to sender“.